Princess Kelley had a post awhile ago on her spanking limits spanking limits. So first, I have to confess that I have a spanking crush on Kelley. I've been reading her blog for awhile and I like what she has to say, as well as liking her spanking videos. So with that out of the way, it's an important post and I know she got flak for it. I absolutely agree with her purpose.
I like a bottom that expresses her limits up front, because then I can build a scene around them. I also like a bottom that respects my limits, i.e. I won't draw blood with my spanking. My style is more of an erotic spanking in a domestic or school theme that's based on the idea of correcting naughty behavior, more of a "daddy" or a "lover," than a master. If a bottom is looking for more hardcore humiliation, that's fine, but we're not compatible.
From my perspective, the tops and the bottoms are equal partners in the spanking play. Obviously, nobody likes someone who tops from the bottom or who can't stop interrupting a session; but, the top and the bottom are still equal partners. A bottom has to feel safe with the top. Part of the erotic charge for most bottoms is giving up control and being punished by another person. Part of the safe, sane, and consensual kink scene is that you know that there's a stopping point. This is what I mean by equal partners. The top must be aware of and respect the bottoms limits. A top should not put a bottom in a place where they feel like they are in danger of injury, excess pain, or sexual assault. Even if a bottom is into a more "no limits" play, there is always an implicit or an explicit very outer limit, i.e. no sex, no suffocation, etc.
It's the bottom's job to express her limits and the top's job to respect those limits. That's why I like Kelley's post. Those are her limits. Some tops are turned off if there isn't sex at the end or the bottom limits the implements or amount of marking. If a top and a bottom's limits are so far apart they can't agree, then they aren't compatible.
In the kink world, particularly spanking, there is the infliction of pain and the "infliction of pain." I almost always top, but I've also bottomed. I don't think there is a bottom out there who doesn't want the satisfying sting, the throbbing, and feeling of a spanking. Some bottoms don't want to go further than a short paddling and many tops don't mind stopping with that. There are also bottoms and tops that get into the more extreme punishments, prolonged flogging or caning, leaving lasting marks, drawing blood, or adding penetration to the scene. Whatever the fantasy, the bottom must consent. If the top goes beyond the consent, it's assault.
I have a problem with tops who are genuinely cruel; and, they are out there. For instance a top that consciously ignores limits and pushes the bottom to a point where she is beyond her limits and is actually scared that something really bad is going to happen to her. Don't get me wrong, I've hand out some harsh punishments with paddles, canes, and my favorite spanking belt; but, I want the bottom to be in a good place during and after the scene.
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